Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
