My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
