I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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