True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
