my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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