I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
