i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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