so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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