3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
