Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She needs sedatives and a leash
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
