All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
