one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!