well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
