So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.