I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
