shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
