so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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