My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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