i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
