I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
