Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
