shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
