shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
