I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
