my room smells like sperm. sweet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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