The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
