I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
