One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
