did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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