he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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