the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
well you can't waste a boner
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
