Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
