this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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