Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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