as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
