My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
