somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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