Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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