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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
