were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
