I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize