I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
