i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
