I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
