Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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