This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
