JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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