I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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