Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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