absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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