butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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