Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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