DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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