My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
