You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
