on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
