I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
