tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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