Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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