I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
