oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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