the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
