To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
