Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
