The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
