He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
