At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
