real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
