Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
