She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
