no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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