We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
