Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
