Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
