What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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