Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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