someone threw a dead crab at me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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