Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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