Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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