dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
