this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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