I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
