i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
