3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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