I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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