Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
