I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
