We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
