But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
